Even before I got pregnant, I had this idea of what kind of parent I would be. I would see a child running recklessly in the mall and I would say to myself “I would lever let my child do that” Or a baby is crying on a plane, my thoughts would be “I would never let my baby cry” or “I would never co sleep”, “I won’t let a baby come in the way of my relationship”…blah blah blah blah…you get the idea…
Oh and my favourite to look back on and laugh at is all the projects, crafts, organizing and THINGS I was going to get done with all this time off…..Riiiiiight…..Moms tell you, they warn you, but you never listen until you experience it yourself and then you become that Mom that tries to warn that first time Mom who is round with her first baby….but they won’t listen.
Throughout my pregnancy I said that our baby would sleep in her crib from the first week. I wanted to get her use to her room, her crib so we would have no issues later on. and seriously, any Mom that can do this, I applaud you. You are stronger than me and you probably get more sleep now 4 months. But alas, bedtime comes around our first night home, and I feed her, rock her and swaddle her. Put her little body down in her huge crib and stand back and stare at her. Oh my gosh she is too small to sleep in her crib! I might as well place her in the middle of a baseball field for all she knows. There is nothing cozy and comforting about this. And what if she stops breathing? That risk of SIDS petrified me. I would be across the hall but I might as well be on the other side of the world being that far from her. I decided that just for her first week I bring her in bed with us (remember above how I said I would never co sleep?) but we slept amazingly well. She would stir, and I would side nurse and we would both fall asleep again. 2 months later I told myself that we are both getting better sleeps because we are not physically getting up, stimulating ourselves and trying to rock or soothe back to sleep. Now we are at 4 months and crib training looms above me but I just can’t part with our snuggly sleeps at night…I love them. and she won’t be this small forever and soon she will not even want a hug in front of her friends cause I might embarrass her…so…nope. I am going to enjoy this.
But you see what I mean? You have no idea how to parent or how you are going to be until your child arrives. I also said I wouldn’t let my daughter become too attached and at nap times I would clean, do my projects/crafts etc….where I am getting better and do those things, I also let her nap on me from time to time while I sit and read my book and just breath her in.
I was going to be super Mom and super wife. I was going to do it.
Well I did half of it….good enough!