Pregnant Mommy vs real mommy…there is a difference

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Even before I got pregnant, I had this idea of what kind of parent I would be. I would see a child running recklessly in the mall and I would say to myself “I would lever let my child do that” Or a baby is crying on a plane, my thoughts would be “I would never let my baby cry” or “I would never co sleep”, “I won’t let a baby come in the way of my relationship”…blah blah blah blah…you get the idea…

Oh and my favourite to look back on and laugh at is all the projects, crafts, organizing and THINGS I was going to get done with all this time off…..Riiiiiight…..Moms tell you, they warn you, but you never listen until you experience it yourself and then you become that Mom that tries to warn that first time Mom who is round with her first baby….but they won’t listen.

Throughout my pregnancy I said that our baby would sleep in her crib from the first week. I wanted to get her use to her room, her crib so we would have no issues later on. and seriously, any Mom that can do this, I applaud you. You are stronger than me and you probably get more sleep now 4 months. But alas, bedtime comes around our first night home, and I feed her, rock her and swaddle her. Put her little body down in her huge crib and stand back and stare at her. Oh my gosh she is too small to sleep in her crib! I might as well place her in the middle of a baseball field for all she knows. There is nothing cozy and comforting about this. And what if she stops breathing? That risk of SIDS petrified me. I would be across the hall but I might as well be on the other side of the world being that far from her. I decided that just for her first week I bring her in bed with us (remember above how I said I would never co sleep?) but we slept amazingly well. She would stir, and I would side nurse and we would both fall asleep again. 2 months later I told myself that we are both getting better sleeps because we are not  physically getting up, stimulating ourselves and trying to rock or soothe back to sleep. Now we are at 4 months and crib training looms above me but I just can’t part with our snuggly sleeps at night…I love them. and she won’t be this small forever and soon she will not even want a hug in front of her friends cause I might embarrass her…so…nope. I am going to enjoy this.

But you see what I mean? You have no idea how to parent or how you are going to be until your child arrives. I also said I wouldn’t let my daughter become too attached and at nap times I would clean, do my projects/crafts etc….where I am getting better and do those things, I also let her nap on me from time to time while I sit and read my book and just breath her in.

I was going to be super Mom and super wife. I was going to do it.

Well I did half of it….good enough!

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Hello a year later….we have a baby girl :)

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Well 2 things are official. I suck at blogging and I’m a mommy!

To sum up the rest of my pregnancy, It was actually amazingly smooth. I had a short cervix that was concerning for awhile and I went off work early but in the end it proved to be just fine.

I was due Oct 6th, 2014 and our little girl came into the world September 30th at 12:11 after 8 hours of labour. She was 7lbs and 9oz. She is now 4 months old!! (see, I suck at blogging)

I won’t bore you with all the details of the delivery except…that I had no pain meds whatsoever. She came out posterior, with a huge swollen head and face. Her head was even bruised from her being stuck under my pelvis for too long but it is amazing how in 20 minutes her head started rounding out again. I will say that giving birth was one of the most amazing things I have ever done or experienced. The midwife placed a mirror so I could see her head and see my efforts of pushing, it was mind blowing what a womans body can do. Amazing. I cannot wait to do it again. Well…I can wait but I look forward to experiencing this again and having another one.

Fast forward to now, our little one is 4 months and 7 days and thriving. She amazes me everyday with the new discoveries and traits she demonstrates. She can roll over, giggle, put her arms up to be picked up (this just happened last night), babbles and shrieks, she LOVES the sound of her own voice. She is very dependent on mommy though so it is hard to leave her or do anything alone.

The most recent picture above is her under water. We dunked her for just a split second and put the camera on burst shot so we could get this picture. People seem to think we held our daughter under water for a long stretch to get this picture….some people I swear….

Well that is my little update. I won’t babble on and on about different things as its too much to fit into one post!

13 Weeks + 4 days

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So apparently I am horrible at keeping up with a blog. Today I am 13 weeks and 4 days. That Ultrasound was at 11 weeks. I guess I have a lot to update on. I’ve since switched midwives, as the first clinic couldn’t find the baby’s heartbeat, so they used a  shitty ultrasound machine that was really a lap top with an attachment. Needless to say, my uterus looked empty. Barron. No baby, no placenta, just a dark abyss.  Midwife says she is going to book me an emergency ultrasound (see attached picture…) but that she “wouldn’t be optimistic” at this point. Seriously? So where did the baby go that we saw at 7 weeks? Did my body just absorb it?  I’m no doctor, but I’m pretty sure that’s not possible….

So I am freaking out, emotional, bawling my eyes out waiting for the ultrasound. My boyfriend is PISSED that they did this to me, but he was very supportive, got out of work and came with me. Our ultrasound technician we had was AMAZING. At first the screens were turned off in case it was bad news, but right away she found the baby, turned the screens out and there was our little peanut, dancing and moving. His/Her arms flailing around. It was incredible. Technician said the midwife should NOT be using her equipment on patients if she can’t use it properly. All she did is cause panic and anxiety in me, which is not good for baby.  So luckily enough I was able to get in with another midwife in town, who is amazing, I love her already. It’s a smaller practice and much more personable. Plus, she does not have an ultrasound machine! When I told the old clinic I was switching, no one called me to ask why, get feedback, or even apologize for the experience they put me through, so I’m glad I switched when I did.

Now Symptom wise, I am feeling much better, not as nauseous, and i’m able to eat more. But I’m still so tired. All the time. I wake up feeling like I could sleep for another 8 hours. I don’t know if its allergies, or baby or both but my headaches and sinuses are just awful, almost unbearable. I have so much pressure in my head and sitting in front of my computer at work makes it so much worse. I’m trying to not take Tylenol and I’ve tried the netti pot, but still no relief. I’m going to go to the pharmacy today and find out if there is a nasal spray that is safe for pregnant women.

Our next Ultrasound is early May to find out the gender! I am hoping for penis! But either way we will be happy, as long as he/she is healthy.

2nd Trimester begins Monday, so looking forward to that! I’ll make sure it’s not so long between posts next time.

 

Things I can do in the kitchen without gagging: Boil Water….

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7 Weeks, 2 days. 

Symptoms: 

Annoyance with life, Boyfriend, Co workers, Parents

Nausea – All the time, all day,all day it doesn’t stop. 

Fatigue – I am a child, I need nap times, numerous times throughout the days

Fatigue #2 – My house is a disaster. It is like I have children already and I have given up on life completely.  So…Exhausted…

 

Ok, so week 7 and I feel like the symptoms are getting worse stronger. Keep telling myself, this is what I wanted, all I wanted actually. don’t get me wrong I am beyond emotional and thrilled that we are having a baby.But I am SO fucking sick of feeling sick. Cooking anything at this moment leads me to dry heaving in the kitchen sink. I haven’t physically gotten ill yet (knock on wood) but I think this might be worse as there is no relief from the nausea. Can’t take anything for it. Anyways, I’m not too emotional anymore. No crying spells, just have become a raging bitch 🙂

Yesterday was our Early dating ultra sound, as per the picture above, it was the most amazing experience I’ve ever had in my life. I could see my baby’s heart beating. It was like a candle flickering inside me. Truly amazing, I teared up. Heart beat was 161 bpm. So all the mushy stuff about seeing my baby, we got that out of the way. Now here is what people don’t tell you about ultra sounds….You are required to drink 32 Oz of water in one hour before your appointment and you must not pee! Full bladder. Alright, no problem. I’m on this healthy water kick where I carry around my bottle of water with lemon,cucumber and mint in it, because well…normal fucking water is disgusting. They also ask you to check in 20 minutes early. Ok then. So we are 20 minutes early, waiting….waiting…1PM rolls around. Still not being called. My bladder is getting fuller and fuller by the minute. It’s reminded me of ordering that Jumbo soft drink in grade 7 at the movies to watch Titanic and by half way through it you are sure you are going to pee yourself but you are willing to risk it because frankly, you don’t want to miss a second of this amazing movie. Yup, I am doing the pee dance sitting in my chair. 1:10 and there is a Code Blue in imaging (where we are !) WTF! So I am freaking out a bit. Someone died getting an ultra sound or CT?? Doctors and nurses are rushing around and its creepy as all hell thinking a dead body is near my vicinity. But to be completely honest all I can think about is how badly I have to void my bladder! 

finally she calls me in and says to hop on the table and lift my shirt up and undo my pants, so I do. and she pulls my pants down lower and tucks her towel in my waist, lovely. Everyone says the gel they put on your stomach is cold, but this shit was warmed! It was glorious. That must be what babies feel like with warm wipes….anyways, saw everything and then she said, K, go pee and we’ll do a scan vaginally. Oh super! But at that moment I am so happy to just go pee that I don’t care. I get back in the room and she says, take your pants and undies off and sit up here. She doesn’t even leave the room,so I am stripping down with her and my boyfriend in the room….then I have this blanket over top of my legs and she says she is going to pass me the thinga magig under the blankets and I can place it in myself, like a tampon she says.She comes out with this huge thing that looks like a humongous Dildo with a condom on it. Needless to say, that was a bit awkward. Then she took over piloting this thing and we got to see some even better pictures of the baby,and my uterus,  Ovaries and at one point she said “see that swirling below?, that’s your bowels” Oh Thanks! Great. now I can just watch my poop being passed through my system! 

but in all seriousness, it was the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen. I can’t wait to see him/her again. I’m pregnant! It actually feels real. Like I was faking it before. 

Well we have a family dinner tonight and I have no idea how I am going to function with the food and the evening sickness that sets in for me around 5:30. I am not taking anything for it, just trying to stay au natural baby. Oh, we are also printing the ultra sound picture as place mats on the table to announce it to the rest of the family! And next saturday is when we will tell my Father, Step Mom, Brother and Sister. 

Hope you enjoyed the update! 

 

 

 

 

Oy the smells, the sickness, the bloating! (6 weeks, 4 days)

Symptoms: 

  • Nausea
  • Fatigue
  • food aversions
  • tender boobs

So I am 6 weeks and 4 days pregnant. Due Oct 2014. First baby, 2nd pregnancy. I am hoping for a sticky baby and that there is no complications. Had a miscarriage early on at 4 weeks previously. So far so good, although I am sure my Midwife is not favorable to me for asking about pains, cramps and blood work etc… I am in constant need of reassurance. Anyways, let’s back it up a bit. I am 29, 30 next month (yikes). I’m not married, but have been with my man for 4 years now. We already have a bunch of fur babies, 3 cats (yes, 3 and its completely normal, no judging) and 1 dog, a 13 month Golden Retriever named Khaleesi. If you are worthy, you understand the name reference. 

So far my experience of being pregnant has been of worry and anxiety over losing the baby. That has since died down now that I am coming up to 7 weeks with no issues. I feel more confident.  I’m suppose to be having an early dating Ultra Sound this week, but still waiting to hear back about appointment times. I cannot wait for a heart beat and pictures! 

Boyfriend took me out for Valentines day for dinner. Made reservations and everything, which is completely not like him, but because I kind of made a big deal about wanting to do something this year he did. We show up to the restaurant and it is Thai. As soon as I see that, my stomach starts turning and I don’t know how I’m (baby) going to handle this. Well, we handled it not well. Not well at all. As soon as we walked in the smells alone made me want to hurl, and I LOVE Thai food. LOVE IT! I fake it and try to choke down what I can. The salad on the side plates is the most appetizing thing I can get down. I pick and prod at my plate hoping my hunny won’t notice, but he does. I feel so horrible, but it can’t be help. So we get it packed up, go home and I eat cereal. Cereal! Seems the only thing I can really get down are fruits, cereal and Kraft Dinner. Go figure! 

On top of food aversions and smells making me nauseous, I’ve also started to become hormonal, to the point of crying over nothing. For example,  have no energy to clean our house or good. I’m just exhausted all…the..freaking…time! Anyways, I’m finally cleaning up the pig pen of a house we are living in, putting clean sheets on the bed (White ones, remember this. they are white) Hunny lets the dog in the house from being in the backyard. I yell at him to make sure he wipes her feet, I do not want dirty dog prints on this clean bed. Hunny comes into the bedroom, while I am making the bed and I ask “did you wipe her feet?” He looks at me blankly and says “huh?” and I turn around and in comes our dog, takes a running jump and is on the bed before I can stop her. Muddy, dirty, brown dog prints everywhere. I lost it. I LOST it! “get her off the bed, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? I told you to wipe her feet! now I have to reclean these!” Tears are pouring out before I know it and I just stand there in defeat crying. My poor boyfriend has no idea what to do. He is in disbelief. “why are you crying? its fine, look” he comes over fast, hugs me and takes  cloth and starts cleaning up the dirt. “see its fine, you don’t have to clean anything” and then we both start cracking up that I bawled my eyes out over this. 

 

It is going to be a long 8 months…